IT'S OVER! NFL Ends Lockout with ACTUAL Refs!

This is your very own B-Men reporting the breaking news we have all been waiting for!  That is right, you heard it here first folks (or second or third- I mean we hope we were quick enough for at least third).  Anyways, the lockout between the NFL and the real Refs is finally over!  Sorry, in case you did not quite catch that let me repeat, the real Refs are coming back!  This is possibly the greatest thing to happen to football other than the invention of the sport itself.  Now before we say goodbye to those pesky replacement "refs", and yes I use those quotes hesitantly because honestly I could think of a million other words that describe these people better than the word "ref", I would like to take you all on a little journey into the world of comedy that these replacements have so kindly provided us with over the last 3 weeks.

First, the Highlights:

1) The "Catch"- Note the two refs signaling different things at the end of the play.

2) Holmes gets "interference"- I'm a huge Jets fan, but c'mon make the guy work a little bit to get those yards.

3) Harbaugh calls timeout... and gets called for unsportsmanlike conduct- Listen closely to the fans.

4) They even took their talents to Conan- The Lingerie Football League still does not want them.

5) At least they will always have a chance in the music industry- JBiebs guest stars on the new album!

And on that note, we say: HASTA LAVISTA BABY! See ya never again replacement refs (I pray)!  Good riddance and please, please stay far, far away from our beloved sport of football.  Good luck on your returns to the real world doing what you may or may not actually be good at, although its entirely inconceivable that you could be any worse at whatever it is you do than you are at refereeing professional football.  So, whether you are destined to return to your cushy job as a VP of Bank of America, or you are headed back to your dream job as an 8th grade social studies teacher, may we send you with our blessings, so long as you promise never to set foot on our fields again.  Farewell refs!

Game Day

A typical day watching Football. Unless you're the B-Men

        

            12 guys. Two girls. Lots of sweat, yelling, and dancing around. No, this is not that frat party from Saturday night, or the famed Avicii concert. No, this is Game Day in room 114, the place where B-Men and, we hope in the future, all the beautiful ladies at Binghamton come to party and enjoy Jets football (though we did have two hotties in there today.) Game Day is no ordinary day. On Game Day miracles happen. Birds chirp, the sun shines, and Sodexo doesn’t put laxatives in its food. Just kidding, that one still happens. Just ask my suitemate Chris.

            Anyway, at 12:30, the members of the Game Day Crew start filing in. Everyone battles for the good seats. Do I want the lawn chair, the butterfly, or the couch? Of course, as per the Joe Katz rule, 114ers are guaranteed a seat. (For all of those who do not know the Joe Katz rule, please ask a member of the B-Men, we’d be happy to tell you) At 12:50, the pizza is ordered, and everyone settles in for some J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS football.

            The game starts, and immediately, the Jet fans in the room realize what they are in for, and the Bills fan, Giant fan, and non-fan’s in the room watch and mock our suffering. The Jets make mistakes, their opponents dominate, and we lose our voices screaming at the television. Halftime comes, we drown our sorrows in our Papa John’s or Nirchi’s pizza, check our fantasy scoreboards, and prepare for the second half. But then, somehow, from some hidden “Jesus saves Tebow’s team again” magic cauldron, the Jets start coming back. The yelling turns to shouts of joy, and then, magically, the Jets pull out that elusive victory from the jaws of defeat. The Jet fans in the room all celebrate in their own way. Some hug, some dance, some throw other people in a closet (yes that actually happened.) Whatever the celebration, everyone enjoys and the “natural high” begins.

            But, the day does not end with a Jet victory. In fact, on a day like this one, it seems as if it only begins when our Jets win. After the game, we run to Appalachian Dining Hall for a celebration meal. Sometimes, like today, these meals can be more entertaining than one would think. One minute we are eating, reminiscing about the win, and the next one a Binghamton soccer player is mooning the dining hall, and after that the toaster is on fire #livingwithAaronChernin.

            Finally, we return to the palace that is 114 to watch the Sunday night football game. Let me tell you, it is always nice to watch the Patriots lose, especially with a suitemate that is a Patriots fan.

            At last, we all shuffle into our rooms, play some Halo, do some work (ya right) and slowly fall asleep. As I lie in bed, I watch the never-ending Binghamton rain splat against my window, recall the events of the day, smile, and thank God for Game Day.

P.S.  Next Sunday, on Game Day, I expect all of you to be in room 114. Hunter. Mountainview. Except for Patriot fans. You can all stay home.

The Sad Life of a Fantasy Football Owner on Sunday

Every Sunday, millions of owners in fantasy football leagues watch nervously as numbers on a computer screen dictate their happiness for the day. I’ll admit, there have been a few times I’ve screamed at my computer in the middle of a family lunch, only to explain that a Wide Receiver for a random team caught a touchdown pass. It is a sad reality that too many fantasy competitors have experienced. However, there is no situation more tormenting then the fantasy team vs. real team moment. It’s happened to all of us, and will continue to happen.

Let me explain. I love the Jets. I live and die by their victories and losses. I bleed green. Literally. It gets a little gross sometimes. But anyway, as much as I love the Jets, I also love my fantasy teams. It’s not just the idea of winning money I love, it’s the pride, the bragging rights over my friends. Fantasy football is more than just a game. It’s a way of life. So, when my opponent this week had the Jets defense on his fantasy team, I was torn. What it meant was, for every point the Jet opponent, the Pittsburgh Steelers, scored, my opponent did worse. So, yesterday, as I watched the Steelers march down the field and approach the Jet end zone, I was lost. Did I want them to score? Did I want the Jets to stop them? As any other sane fantasy owner would do, I started rooting for impossible scenarios. I hoped the Steelers would score, but that the Jets would throw for a touchdown on the first play. I would say that I’d do 25 mitzvot for the Jets to be able to win even if they gave up 30 points. I sat peeking through slits in my fingers hoping for a miracle. However, after the Steelers whomped the Jets 27-10, I realized that even though my opponent’s defense did poorly, I was unhappy because the Jets had lost. (Disregard that I still got destroyed in fantasy this week regardless of the poor Jet defense performance).

Mark Sanchez gets roughed up by the Steelers Defense

And so B-Readers, as your sports columnist, my first piece of advice is, as Dorothy put it, “there’s no place like home.” No matter what money, pride, or bragging rights may be on the line, your heart will always be with your home team, and that is whom you must root for. So, next week when I go up against Mark Sanchez (The Jets Quarterback) in fantasy, I will not root against him, nay, I will root as hard as possible for him to toss three touchdowns and win the game for the Jets. It’s simple, instead of rooting against him, I’ll just root against everyone else on my opponent’s team.

B-Readers, get ready for an awesome year of sports, fun, and everything Binghamton. I hope to entertain you while keeping you updated on the sports world and average sports life of a college student. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a fun ride.