BINGHAMTON HEALTH ALERT: The Bangladeshi AIDS

This article is being written to update you on a serious epidemic sweeping across Binghamton University: the Bangladeshi AIDS. Some of you may know this by other names, such as the Binghamton Flu, but make no mistake, it has its roots in Bangladesh and has been terrifying Binghamton students ever since and I can prove it. You see, on a certain fateful night, a certain unnamed freshman, at a certain unnamed fraternity, made it to an impressive first base with a certain unnamed young lady. This particular young lady happened to have roots in Bangladesh. The next morning the young hero in our story, who will remain nameless, woke up feeling rather ill. After recalling the events of the previous night with the help of some friends, our hero determined the source of his ailment to be his activities from that fateful night. Thus, there you have it folks- the Bangladeshi AIDS were born. They began to spread like wildfire, even faster than an actual real disease. Within the week 9 others had been infected with the Bangladeshi AIDS. The lone man in our group left standing? It was yours truly. Now the thing about the Bangladeshi AIDS is that it is a particularly aggressive and stubborn strand. It is also particularly cruel and here is why. Those infected with this disease typically feel ill for 4-5 days with symptoms including sore throat, headache, fever, fatigue, and just all around crappiness. After this time period one can expect to feel clear of all symptoms. However, it has been noted in several cases that some infected persons will experience a relapse of the disease as far as one whole week later. Is that torture or what? Now for a moment I would like to draw your attention back to the fact that I was the only one not to get sick. Now for a moment I would like to draw your attention to the fact that each of the times I have said that I have used the past tense. Yes B-Readers, this morning I woke up with an, albeit only slightly, sore throat. It is unconfirmed wether I have finally contracted the feared disease but I have been downing airborne like it is my job to try to fight it off just in case. Only time will tell from here so wish me luck. It may be too late for me which is why I am telling you so you can protect yourselves. So with that I leave you. Until next time, stay healthy, stay safe, and above all, pray you do not catch the Bangladeshi AIDS.  

In case you were wondering where the AIDS is coming from.